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This might get me into trouble...but's it is funny anyway!

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.............She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds............Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas

3. I take my wife everywhere...........but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said...........So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands...........If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!'
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days........Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'
The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months............I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though................My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days when humor was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless'

Comments

Kelsgarden said…
this will impact your quality of life -
Rogue Squirrel said…
Don't be to hard on my furry buddy. I can upstage him...

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

Wait for it...

Here it comes...

Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes!

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Thanks, I'll be here all week, tip your waitress and try the veal.
Travel said…
Making us laugh, but living dangerously. We know that you worship the ground she walks on.

DG
Me said…
I love them... and some would also be true for my poor Coffeehusband. :)
Kelsgarden said…
extra offerings of chocolate, coffee and wine will now be required
Me said…
Have you really not updated in all this time or is my computer just not showing any new posts in the last 8 days?


:)

(Then again, I've been so busy I haven't visited anyones blog in a week except for your wifes... so what do I know? LOL)
Unknown said…
Try this out for size:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1091777/posts

"The Good Wife's Guide"

It's almost like it should have come from the Onion.
Kelsgarden said…
Khyle, stop helping

Meritt, he wil blog again when he is no longer grounded . . .
Travel said…
Free th WC, let him blog again!

DG

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