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crunching spiders screaming woodchuck

When I was in Southern CA last week I had the opporunity to take a fabulous bike ride off trail in a 1,300 acre park just south of Diamond Bar. The weather was wonderful, the smog had blown out and you could actually see the San Gabriel Mountains.

Before heading out I checked with the local ranger and reviewed all the pertinent cougar and bear survival literature, in addition to a quick snake review. Dude, I was ready!

The park was gorgeous and it was kickin' my butt on those trails! The first trail was the ridge trail, which was a 2,000 ft climb over 5 miles. Ouch.

Pretty soon a came to straight away and I was trekking downhill - no stoppin' me now!

Crap!

It looks like poop on the trail.

You know like piles of little critter dung.

As I get closer I notice the piles are lookin' a bit furry.

And scattering from the trail where they were sunning themselves.

Now, I am not kiddin', they were covering the entire path for at LEAST 100 feet and the grass was over 5' high on either side of the trail.

CRUNCH.

AAAAAAAAGH!

Did you know there were BIG BLACK HAIRY tarantulas in southern CA?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is there a reason the ranger failed to mention this? Does he get a kick out of hearing grown woodchucks scream like blind baby marmots! Were these extras from the last Godzilla movie!? "The Tarantuals that Ate Tokyo"

Needless to say, I rode the entire 12 miles (up hill probably but I wasn't looking) back to the parking lot without stopping! Where SOME guy has the nerve to say "oh, yeah, I don't do THAT trail because of the spiders". Where the FRELL was he when I started out!?

Did I mention that the bike went up and down like over washboard road as it crunched through the VERY large spiders!

Hello, I was prepared for cougar, no problem - hello! kitties are cute! And I have had dinner with a bear before - actually a mom and her cub.

I would have written about this sooner, but I have been in therapy.

Shock treatments actually.

I still can't sleep alone.

Comments

Me said…
LOL... funny yet freaky at the same time.
Anonymous said…
Go back and ride through a few hundred more times, the more spiders you crunch, the fewer there will be (I don't like spiders and snakes.)

DG
WickedHamster said…
Uh... they didn't get a good look at your license plate, did they? I hear they come after you if you kill one of their own. Been nice knowin' ya...
Rogue Squirrel said…
It takes a tough Woodchuck to come to grips with his fears. Your little adventure has me drinking early this morning. They say what ever doesn't kill you, or eat you alive, only makes you stronger...

After this little bout with nature, you may never die.
Anonymous said…
oh, no worries over the raging floodwaters of the Illinois - but a few itty bitty spiders and you go screaming . . .
Woodchuck said…
It was only a 25' hole on the Illinois River, so what if it got me a guest spot on Date Line. Spiders are scary, I mean really scary, come on people back me up here!!!!
WickedHamster said…
Guest spot on Date Line? We want video! We want video! We want video!
Anonymous said…
March 22, 1998: Illinois River Flash Flood: Two rafters die; 10 rescued

I have the video here somewhere . . . seriously
Anonymous said…
OMG arrghhhh! I can feel spiders crawling all over me now!!!

I SO HATE SPIDERS!!!

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